Just been thinking recently of some of the funniest things people have said to me over the years.
I lived and worked in Manchester over a 4 year period, the city is an excellent city, i made lots of good friends and met alot of nice people. 2001 -2003 I worked at Salford Qauys in the Lowry centre next to lowry theatre, War Musuem and across the quay was Old Trafford stadium home of Manchester United
I worked in the cinema which was in the centre, up the stairs and had a 20 foot enterence which said cinema on it. Salford is a true working class area, just like any town and city in UK it has its good things and its share of bad things, but the area is renowned for its scallys, chavs or neds (whatever you call them in your area). As you do as a usher im standing at the enterence into the lobby where the fim screens are and I collect the tickets and send patrons to there screens, so incomes a scally topped out in his latest burberry cap, reebok shellsuit and the bottoms tucked into his white socks and walks up (in a Noel Gallagher walk) to myself and says
“er mate where;s the cinemaa?”
first of all i said to him first “sorry mate I prefer Casulty” basically make a fool of his er part as you know ER the American Medical drama and Casulty is a British Medical drama. The scally hasnt even notice massive neon sign he walked under which said CINEMA, plus the many posters also around the enterence which promoted the current films. It was like that Dom Jolly tv programme Trigger Happy when he does the sketch and stands in front of a 20foot poster of himself saying “Dont trust This Man” and he then asks the public for help, this scally was the same the area was covered in sinage to say you are in the cinema!!! Outside was the canal and a bridge over the canal so I told him to take the escalator downstairs take a left out the centre go halfway over the bridge and go right (which of course meaning he would half to jump in the canal!!!). So he turned around and thanked me and left.
Other crakers Ive heard where in the centre of town I was in the Poundstore (where verything and it was when I just moved to Manchester to go to university and some of my family came with me the weekend I moved as it was only a few hours drive away. It was great as I got alot of food, essentials for my university room, so in the pound store my mum says to me i like these i think ill get them and turns to the store assistant
” excuse me, how much are these?” it didnt dawn on her at first but when myself, sister, niece and brother-in-law and the assistant all started laughing she realised she was in a shop which everything cost £1!!!
In the cinema I heard alot of what I call Homer Simpson talk, silly talk like at the box office there was a offer of buy one movie ticket get one free and a man couldnt understanding what the price of the free ticket cost, he stood and argued with the manager and finally realised the second ticket was free. Other classics
“How much is the free popcorn cost?”
“What flavours are in the Vanilla and choclate chip ice cream?”
“The cinema closes at 11pm theres still 30minutes to go its only 1130pm”
These little Homer simpson talk just make this world a wonderfull and funny place to live.
“A Ned is a Non Educated Delinquent. They are usually in groups of about 10-20 and call themselves “Teams, Fleetos and Bundys”. They are all weak and only “fight” in groups and by “fight” i mean “slashing or “chibbing” or using any other instrument other than their fists. Dress-sense-wise most have a Berghaus jacket (usually stolen from someone they have attcked) complete witha burberry hat tuned to the moon and bright white socks pulled over joggers covered in “bommers”. A “bommer” being a small hole burned from smoking hash in a joint. Female nedettes referred to as Sengas are pretty much the same although they have 5 rings on average on each finger complete with fake gold earrings. They hang around the streets looking for a fight , stealing cars and drinkin cheap booze usually “buckie” or the really poor, “Merrydown” or even a cheap bottle of cider costing about £1.50 a litre. They have poor vocabulary , usually because the dropped out of school at the age of 12. Unemployed little “hairies” their mothers couldn’t care less about them as they’re usually herion addicts themselves. No life ahead of them except alcholism , abuse and homelessness.” – http://www.urbandictionary.com
A ned or in England Chav, Scally there all the same where ever you go. Right lets get it clear not all teens are the same, unfortunately a minority just want cause trouble and even the teens who dont really fall under the term ned, some times these are your rich little brats who think there little gods and godess due to there income ” daddy please can I have my £500 pocket money to buy a new laptop?”
I love going to the cinema like many thousand other people, you want to go watch a certain flick , you buy your ticket, buy some popcorn and coke, give the usher your ticket and head off the screen your film will be on at. You go in find a seat and watch the movie, now that would be great? yes but alot times these days there’s always some 3 or 4 little teens come in blowing and popping chewing gums, swearing like a trooper (thats only the girls), as per usual go right upto the back row hang there feet over the seat in front them and swear there heads off at the couple in front them because they want to stick there feet over the couples seat but they refuse. Before the film starts and even through the trailers they blast the shitty hardcore techno music out in the screen and dont give a damn about anyone else. The film starts and all you can here is these idiots talking, laughing, throwing popcorn at other people trying to watch the movie. The big tough one of the bunch runs down about a 100 stairs and starts dancing in front of the screen screaming “YA BUNCH OF FANNIES!!!” the only people laughing are his other neddy mates, at this point the girls of the group have got up went out the screen 4 times and the film has on;y been on 20 minutes. Many people complain and half of the time the ushers dont care.
So everyone is getting pissed off with theses diddys now 2 of them are running around the screen and finally the lot of them are thrown out the cinema by the so called security staff.When I mean security staff when I worked as a usher I remember the 2 gaurds escorting the neds out the cinema, the gaurds joined the neds outside for a few ciggerettes. Ive seen alot of things happen because of these neds; Ive went into to check a screenand suddenly 2 female neds (or sengas as there called in scotland) decide to have a catfight with each other in a screen, the film was a childs film (Madagascar 2), Some neds got into a 18 film (all where under 18, about 12) opened the security doors and let 20 of there other friends in the ripped out 4 or 5 seats and one had a knife and slashed the screen, the police got involved. Another incident 5 or 6 of them aged between 10 and 18 went into a movie and sat with alcohol, which an adult brought in for them scream, sing, one was sick during the film, they where all removed about 30 minutes late the dad of the 18 year old came bursting into to the cinema found the usher whom the people who complained to about the group threw a punch at this usher broke his nose and screamed “he’s only a wee boy he only having a laugh” t. the usher who was assualted was only 16 and doing some Saturday work for pocket money.
I could go on forever with other reasons why neds should not be allowed into cinemas and into virtually anything. Society is quick to fire blame onto certain groups and not thinks about the other groups and when these punks get caught they dont care as it just earns them more browning points for there street cred. Hit them hard make them do hard labour, do some national service, it might sound cheesy coming from me as im part of a generation conscription wasnt around but speaking to guys my age group who where troublemakers before they went to the army are now the opposite. If I wanted to hear your crap music and or want to hear how many girls you had sex with (or kid on you had sex with) or how many cannabis joints you smoked last week, ill ask you. Its not going to get someone turn round to you and say “wow big man you are such a cool person”, its just going to get you more negative response. One of my cousins could be labelled a ned and he asked me why do people always say bad things about me? well I told him and told him that acting in the way he is wont earn him respect just give him more bad press.
Get a life Ya Bunch of fannies