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People say the silliest things

ministry-of-silly-walks Just been thinking recently of some of the funniest things people have said to me over the years.

I lived and worked in Manchester over a 4 year period, the city is an excellent city, i made lots of good friends and met alot of nice people. 2001 -2003 I worked at Salford Qauys in the Lowry centre next to lowry theatre, War Musuem and across the quay was Old Trafford stadium home of Manchester United

I worked in the cinema which was in the centre, up the stairs and had a 20 foot enterence which said cinema on it. Salford is a true working class area, just like any town and city in UK it has its good things and its share of bad things, but the area is renowned for its scallys, chavs or neds (whatever you call them in your area).  As you do as a usher im standing at the enterence into the lobby where the fim screens are and I collect the tickets and send patrons to there screens, so incomes a scally topped out in his latest burberry cap, reebok shellsuit and the bottoms tucked into his white socks  and walks up (in a Noel Gallagher walk) to myself and says

“er mate where;s the cinemaa?”

first of all i said to him first “sorry mate I prefer Casulty” basically make a fool of his er part as you know ER the American Medical drama and Casulty is a British Medical drama. The scally hasnt even notice massive neon sign he walked under which said CINEMA, plus the many posters also around the enterence which promoted the current films. It was like that Dom Jolly tv programme Trigger Happy when he does the sketch and stands in front of a 20foot poster of himself saying “Dont trust This Man” and he then asks the public for help, this scally was the same the area was covered in sinage to say you are in the cinema!!! Outside was the canal and a bridge over the canal so I told him to take the escalator downstairs take a left out the centre go halfway over the bridge and go right (which of course meaning he would half to jump in the canal!!!). So he turned around and thanked me and left.

Other crakers Ive heard where in the centre of town I was in the Poundstore (where verything and it was when I just moved to Manchester to go to university and some of my family came with me the weekend I moved as it was only a few hours drive away. It was great as I got alot of food, essentials for my university room, so in the pound store my mum says to me i like these i think ill get them and turns to the store assistant

” excuse me, how much are these?” it didnt dawn on her at first but when myself, sister, niece and brother-in-law and the assistant all started laughing she realised she was in a shop which everything cost £1!!!

In the cinema I heard alot of what I call Homer Simpson talk, silly talk like at the box office there was a offer of buy one movie ticket get one free and a man couldnt understanding what the price of the free ticket cost, he stood and argued with the manager and finally realised the second ticket was free. Other classics

“How much is the free popcorn cost?”

“What flavours are in the Vanilla and choclate chip ice cream?”

“The cinema closes at 11pm theres still 30minutes to go its only 1130pm”

These little Homer simpson talk just make this world a wonderfull and funny place to live.

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